Times of Desperation

Healing Waters April 2003

No matter how long I live, I don't think I'll ever fully understand the ways of God. Well, I know I won't. But there are times when I honestly become frustrated with the Lord, especially when it comes to His healing - or not healing.

For years I struggled with physical and emotional pain the likes of which I had never known. And for many of those years I plead with God to heal me. I knew that if He wanted to He could do it, but He didn't seem to want to. This apparent indifference to my suffering lead me to many wrong conclusions. Why? Because I was looking at the situation from my perspective rather than God's - a natural, but fatal mistake.

Due to my skewed perception of the situation, and my natural assumption that I must be doing something wrong and therefore God was not answering my prayers instantly, I opened myself up to a variety of attacks from the devil. First he used some well-meaning Christian friends who were certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was experiencing my ailments as a result of unrepentant sin. Yes, it's true that unrepentant sin can indeed be the root of all sorts of problems, but by this point I had repented of anything and everything I could think of, and I told them as much. But that wasn't what they wanted to hear. They tried to convince me that I was in denial about something (I'm sure they had in mind exactly what it was) and that I simply needed to get on with my confession). I hated to have to disappoint them.

At that point I began to identify rather closely to Job when he had to deal with his “friends.” (We're introduced to these friends in Job 2:11, and from that point much of the rest of the book deals with these friends' interactions with Job, Job's reply, and ultimately God's estimation of the friends.) And it didn't help matters that all of this came to a head during a time of great emotional distress in my life. My mother had recently passed away, and then my husband and I decided to leave our church, which was spiritually abusive. That meant leaving these “friends” as well. Because the church had been very “exclusive” and manipulative, when we left the church we had no one to turn to. Also, because of my continued physical decline I had to quit my job, which meant that our income was cut in half. Unfortunately our expenses stayed the same, and we soon lost most everything we had. Again I found myself identifying very strongly with Job. I was neither thrilled nor amused.

For a time I felt that not only had I lost all of my friends and most all of my possessions, but part of me was almost certain that God had turned His back on me as well. For years I had heard nothing but teachings about how once a person comes into relationship with God through Christ, he then begins to experience the bounty of God. What my husband and I were experiencing was anything but. Fortunately, God put some excellent balanced and Scripturally correct teaching in my hands. I began to understand that the situation we were in - and my physical situation in particular - should not be looked upon as one of judgment or punishment from God, but rather as a time of pruning and an opportunity to become more intimate with God. Well, I certainly didn't have anything to do all day except study the Bible and pray, so I figured I might as well give it a try. As my grandmother used to say, in her wonderful Yiddish accent, “It couldn't hoit!”

Very slowly the Lord brought me into a place of greater understanding. At my request He began to strip away the spiritual filth that had built up on my soul and spirit throughout my life. There were some very difficult times and some less than flattering aspects of myself that I had to face up to. But with the Lord's gentle guidance, He brought me to a place of acceptance - acceptance of who I really was, as horrible as that may be; and acceptance of His will for my life, regardless of how that may or may not line up with what I felt God's will for my life should be. It was time for the control freak to step out of God's way! (I in no way want to lead you to believe that this submission thing is a done deal for me. I have to submit daily, sometimes hourly, to God. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I'm learning!)

The Lord also brought me to a place of understanding with regards to the healing I felt was certain to come. Contrary to much of what I had been taught in church, God's ability or willingness to heal me did not hinge on anything I did - not the strength of my faith in either God or His ability to heal me; not on my being perfect in living out my faith in Christ; nothing! The healing that I was certain would come was based solely upon the work that Yeshua completed on the cross two thousand years ago - nothing more, nothing less. It is simply God's grace. But why does God sometimes take His sweet time in answering our prayers for healing? Or why is the answer sometimes “No”? I have no idea.

I would have loved nothing more than to have prayed a simple prayer asking God to heal me and - zing! - have Him answer. One minute in pain, suffering beyond imagination and the next fit as a fiddle and ready to take on the world! But that's not the way it happens. It can happen that way, true, but I'm finding that time and time again God actually knows what's best for us and won't let us have anything less. Imagine that.

As I look back to my time of desperation almost seven years ago, I can begin to see that God did indeed begin to answer my prayers the moment I spoke them. He just didn't answer the way I wanted Him to. Those four years of desperation held not only some of the most painful times of my life, but they also held times of intimacy with the Lord that I might have never otherwise had. Yes, there were times of joy during those years, but even in that joy there was always pain and frustration.

Would I want to re-live that time? No! But I wouldn't change a thing either. It was those times of desperation that urged me on to seek the face of God. It was out of that desperation that the Lord was able to teach me who He is and who I am in Him. It was because of that desperation that I have become the person I am today, and although I'm far from finished, I know with great certainty that I can run the race set before me because I know that the Lord will never turn His back on me.

Are you in a time of desperation? If you are, ask the Lord what it is He would have you learn. What is it that He wants you to take away from this experience? It could be as simple as being able to help someone else going through a similar circumstance. Or it could be that He's bringing you into a place of intimacy with Him that you could never imagine otherwise. Whatever it is, never give up on the Lord, for He will never, ever give up on you!

Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. - Deut. 31:6

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Amplified Bible,

Used by permission.


	Healing Waters April 2003 Times of Desperation No matter how long I live, I don't think I'll ever fully understand the ways of God. Well, I know I won't. But there are times when I honestly become frustrated with the Lord, especially when it comes to His healing - or not healing. For years I struggled with physical and emotional pain the likes of which I had never known. And for many of those years I plead with God to heal me. I knew that if He wanted to He could do it, but He didn't seem to want to. This apparent indifference to my suffering lead me to many wrong conclusions. Why? Because I was looking at the situation from my perspective rather than God's - a natural, but fatal mistake. Due to my skewed perception of the situation, and my natural assumption that I must be doing something wrong and therefore God was not answering my prayers instantly, I opened myself up to a variety of attacks from the devil. First he used some well-meaning Christian friends who were certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was experiencing my ailments as a result of unrepentant sin. Yes, it's true that unrepentant sin can indeed be the root of all sorts of problems, but by this point I had repented of anything and everything I could think of, and I told them as much. But that wasn't what they wanted to hear. They tried to convince me that I was in denial about something (I'm sure they had in mind exactly what it was) and that I simply needed to get on with my confession). I hated to have to disappoint them. At that point I began to identify rather closely to Job when he had to deal with his “friends.” (We're introduced to these friends in Job 2:11, and from that point much of the rest of the book deals with these friends' interactions with Job, Job's reply, and ultimately God's estimation of the friends.) And it didn't help matters that all of this came to a head during a time of great emotional distress in my life. My mother had recently passed away, and then my husband and I decided to leave our church, which was spiritually abusive. That meant leaving these “friends” as well. Because the church had been very “exclusive” and manipulative, when we left the church we had no one to turn to. Also, because of my continued physical decline I had to quit my job, which meant that our income was cut in half. Unfortunately our expenses stayed the same, and we soon lost most everything we had. Again I found myself identifying very strongly with Job. I was neither thrilled nor amused. For a time I felt that not only had I lost all of my friends and most all of my possessions, but part of me was almost certain that God had turned His back on me as well. For years I had heard nothing but teachings about how once a person comes into relationship with God through Christ, he then begins to experience the bounty of God. What my husband and I were experiencing was anything but. Fortunately, God put some excellent balanced and Scripturally correct teaching in my hands. I began to understand that the situation we were in - and my physical situation in particular - should not be looked upon as one of judgment or punishment from God, but rather as a time of pruning and an opportunity to become more intimate with God. Well, I certainly didn't have anything to do all day except study the Bible and pray, so I figured I might as well give it a try. As my grandmother used to say, in her wonderful Yiddish accent, “It couldn't hoit!” Very slowly the Lord brought me into a place of greater understanding. At my request He began to strip away the spiritual filth that had built up on my soul and spirit throughout my life. There were some very difficult times and some less than flattering aspects of myself that I had to face up to. But with the Lord's gentle guidance, He brought me to a place of acceptance - acceptance of who I really was, as horrible as that may be; and acceptance of His will for my life, regardless of how that may or may not line up with what I felt God's will for my life should be. It was time for the control freak to step out of God's way! (I in no way want to lead you to believe that this submission thing is a done deal for me. I have to submit daily, sometimes hourly, to God. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I'm learning!) The Lord also brought me to a place of understanding with regards to the healing I felt was certain to come. Contrary to much of what I had been taught in church, God's ability or willingness to heal me did not hinge on anything I did - not the strength of my faith in either God or His ability to heal me; not on my being perfect in living out my faith in Christ; nothing! The healing that I was certain would come was based solely upon the work that Yeshua completed on the cross two thousand years ago - nothing more, nothing less. It is simply God's grace. But why does God sometimes take His sweet time in answering our prayers for healing? Or why is the answer sometimes “No”? I have no idea. I would have loved nothing more than to have prayed a simple prayer asking God to heal me and - zing! - have Him answer. One minute in pain, suffering beyond imagination and the next fit as a fiddle and ready to take on the world! But that's not the way it happens. It can happen that way, true, but I'm finding that time and time again God actually knows what's best for us and won't let us have anything less. Imagine that. As I look back to my time of desperation almost seven years ago, I can begin to see that God did indeed begin to answer my prayers the moment I spoke them. He just didn't answer the way I wanted Him to. Those four years of desperation held not only some of the most painful times of my life, but they also held times of intimacy with the Lord that I might have never otherwise had. Yes, there were times of joy during those years, but even in that joy there was always pain and frustration. Would I want to re-live that time? No! But I wouldn't change a thing either. It was those times of desperation that urged me on to seek the face of God. It was out of that desperation that the Lord was able to teach me who He is and who I am in Him. It was because of that desperation that I have become the person I am today, and although I'm far from finished, I know with great certainty that I can run the race set before me because I know that the Lord will never turn His back on me. Are you in a time of desperation? If you are, ask the Lord what it is He would have you learn. What is it that He wants you to take away from this experience? It could be as simple as being able to help someone else going through a similar circumstance. Or it could be that He's bringing you into a place of intimacy with Him that you could never imagine otherwise. Whatever it is, never give up on the Lord, for He will never, ever give up on you! Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. - Deut. 31:6 Copyright (c) 1996 - 2003 Dan & Linda Krueger. All rights reserved, no portion of this site may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.