Healing Update

Ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1996, I have been seeking the Lord for healing. And since my first prayer for help after my diagnosis I felt God's reassurance that He would indeed heal me.

In 1998, I believed that I had experienced two miracles simultaneously - the birth of our son and the healing of my fibromyalgia. (Please visit Healing Waters to follow my journey of healing.) But sometime during the end of 1999, I felt that some of my symptoms were returning - not all of them, but they were there nonetheless. That's when I began questioning everything, including my faith. I ran through a checklist, wanting to make sure I covered all my bases with God. No, there was no unrepentant sin. I was very tired, but with a one-year old in the house I think that's to be expected. I just couldn't pinpoint what might be causing the problem.

I could not believe that God would revoke His healing. If God had in fact healed me it would have been based solely upon who God is and not on anything I did or did not do, even though there are those who teach otherwise. Some teach that if your faith isn't up to par you either won't receive a healing at all or you will lose some or all of the healing you already received. Again, all of these teachings base our healing, and its keeping, on the human rather than on God and His grace and mercy. I really don't like that because I know just how inadequate I am.

Between the time I felt some of the symptoms returning and September 4, 2001, I kept my doubts to myself. I wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what was happening before I said anything. I believe that on September 4, 2001, I received my answer.

I had been petitioning God day and night, asking Him what was going on, why the fibromyalgia seemed to be returning, and what I needed to see in the situation in order to get past it. I thought that perhaps this was to be my "thorn in the flesh," but I wasn't ready to accept that. I didn't want our son to have a mom that wasn't there for him 100%, in every way imaginable. Something more had to be going on than what I was seeing on the surface. Then an Internet friend shared some startling information with me. I visited the web site she recommended (dorway.com) and in an instant I knew that I was staring at the answer to my prayers. The reality of what I read shocked and enraged me, but I knew deep in my heart that I was looking at the truth. The symptoms I had been experiencing were in all likelihood being caused not by what doctors call fibromyalgia but by aspartame toxicity. I was being poisoned by NutraSweet!

As I read the list of known symptoms caused by aspartame my jaw dropped. Of the ninety-two symptoms admitted by the FDA, I had been experiencing over thirty of them. There was only one thing left for me to do - stop ingesting anything that contained any form of aspartame. This was easier said than done.

First I scoured my kitchen and threw away all my "diet" products. That was the easy part. Making it through the next few days wasn't. Apparently aspartame is highly addictive and when I stopped drinking my Diet Cokes my body didn't like it. Thankfully, after just a few days the withdrawal headache went away and I felt like a new woman. My thinking was clear for the first time in years. The depression and anxiety that had been my constant companions for over a decade were gone. My body wasn't wracked with pain. Could the key to my feeling better really be something so simple? I didn't know it, but I was about to find out.

On September 7, 2001, my third day of aspartame abstinence, I unknowingly ingested a chemical that is a close cousin to aspartame - monosodium glutamate (MSG). About an hour after I had eaten lunch that day I realized that something was amiss. I began having intense cravings for carbohydrates. My mind seemed to be fogging over and I was having trouble thinking clearly, much like after taking some types of cold or flu medications. The depression and anxiety were next. It was around this time that I knew I must have eaten something with either aspartame or MSG for lunch. When I checked the label of the chips we had eaten I saw it - monosodium glutamate. I could hardly believe my eyes and upbraided myself for not checking the label before we ate. My body began to ache with a vengeance and I knew I was in for a trying afternoon, to say the least. On the one hand it was very interesting to watch the progression of symptoms that the chemical triggered, but I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the experience one little bit. For the next nine hours I lay on the couch, in pain from head to toe, in a mental fog, battling depression, anxiety and panic. When it was all over I had a new rule - if a packaged food contains ingredients that I can't pronounce, I'm not eating it. Nothing on the face of the earth is worth eating if it's going to cause that much pain.

Once the source of my illnesses had been identified I found myself in a precarious position. I was very thankful that God had revealed these truths to me and had graciously placed me on a path that would lead to continued freedom from symptoms. But part of me was also wanting to understand how God could have let me suffer for so long without intervening. I knew that He had known from the beginning what the root cause of my suffering was. How could He let my pain continue?

When aspartame first came on the market about fifteen years ago I thought it was the answer to many of my problems. I had struggled with my weight for my entire life. I had been brainwashed to believe that sugar was the enemy. Now there was finally a product that tasted just as sweet, if not sweeter, than sugar, had no calories, and according to the manufacturer was completely safe. I believed that I would finally be able to enjoy good tasting diet drinks and foods and begin to win the battle of the bulge. Years went by and it seemed my weight only increased. I was constantly at odds with myself. Then I started having symptoms that were later labeled as fibromyalgia. (Many people are now coming to the conclusion that the diagnosis of fibromyalgia is being used as a catchall diagnosis for symptoms of aspartame poisoning.) I can see now that these were the beginnings of aspartame toxicity. What should have been the best, most productive years of my life were spent in nearly constant physical and emotional pain. The losses my husband and I suffered due to the debilitating effects I was experiencing were staggering, both financially and personally.

So, there I was, staring truth in the face, knowing that almost fifteen years of my life had been "wasted." I also knew that I had a choice to make. I could either take offense and let myself become bitter over the situation and allow that bitterness to ruin the rest of my life, or I could accept that what was done was done, be thankful for God's revelation, and move forward. Surprisingly enough, because of the trials I had been through due to my symptoms and the work that God had done in me because of them, I was able to let go of the anger and resentment that so desperately wanted to take center stage. No, I'm not overjoyed that these things happened to me, but at the same time I'm so very thankful for my deepened relationship with God because of them that I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing even if I could.

I believe that in every choice that is laid before us we have the opportunity to choose God's way or our way. We can either take offense and open the door to the devil or we can forgive and allow God to reign in our hearts. Daily I find myself having to choose forgiveness for those who knowingly unleashed this harmful chemical into our food supply. I have lost too many years to them already. I refuse to relinquish the time I have left on this earth to hatred and self-pity. I continue to ask God's protection and mercy, that I might not suffer any long-term ill affects from my exposure. I also continue to seek after God to know why things worked out the way they have, and I know that if I need to know He'll tell me.

One thing that I've come to realize is that God's ways truly are not our ways. I used to be of the mind that when God chose to heal someone it was a miraculous, supernatural event. I now see that once again I was wrong. God created us - body, soul and spirit - and because we live in this physical world we are affected by physical things. When I first sought God for healing I wanted nothing more than His sovereign touch and an instantaneous healing. God could have done that, but I would not have been aware that I was ingesting something that was damaging my body. I would have been healed only to continue to poison myself and put myself right back in the situation I was healed of. But more importantly, my character would have suffered. I would have never known the depths to which God can reach in order to comfort. I wouldn't have been broken and forced to take a hard look at who I really was and who God created me to be. If God had given me what I wanted, I would have received the gift but never have come to know the Giver as intimately as I do today.

I'm not out of the woods yet. There are still days when I feel less than wonderful - days when my body is working to get rid of the toxins that have built up in my tissues. But I have finally come to a place where my physical comfort is not my main focus. Each day I look forward to spending time with the One who loves me so much that He gave His life for me. Each day I wait with expectancy, wondering what jewels He will share with me that day. And I delight in the knowledge that nothing on earth or in heaven can separate me from the great love my Messiah has for me.

When we look to God for healing, I think it is important that we examine every part of our lives. We must search our hearts to make sure that all is right with God. We must examine how we are conducting our lives to make sure we are not entertaining things that we should not. And we must examine what we are exposing our bodies to in order to rule out environmental factors that might be causing our physical or emotional problems.

In my case, I was seeking God for healing from physical pain and ailments as well as from depression and emotional turmoil, never realizing that there was a common source for both problems. Do I still believe that God can work miraculously? I certainly do! In fact, I believe that any time truth is revealed to us we have had a supernatural encounter with God, for it is only through revelation from God that we can come to know truth. There might not be trumpets blaring or a choir of angels accompanying the revelation, but it's a miracle nonetheless! Continue to seek after the One who holds you in His right hand. Look for God in every circumstance, and you will find Him.


	Healing Update Ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1996, I have been seeking the Lord for healing. And since my first prayer for help after my diagnosis I felt God's reassurance that He would indeed heal me. In 1998, I believed that I had experienced two miracles simultaneously - the birth of our son and the healing of my fibromyalgia. (Please visit Healing Waters to follow my journey of healing.) But sometime during the end of 1999, I felt that some of my symptoms were returning - not all of them, but they were there nonetheless. That's when I began questioning everything, including my faith. I ran through a checklist, wanting to make sure I covered all my bases with God. No, there was no unrepentant sin. I was very tired, but with a one-year old in the house I think that's to be expected. I just couldn't pinpoint what might be causing the problem. I could not believe that God would revoke His healing. If God had in fact healed me it would have been based solely upon who God is and not on anything I did or did not do, even though there are those who teach otherwise. Some teach that if your faith isn't up to par you either won't receive a healing at all or you will lose some or all of the healing you already received. Again, all of these teachings base our healing, and its keeping, on the human rather than on God and His grace and mercy. I really don't like that because I know just how inadequate I am. Between the time I felt some of the symptoms returning and September 4, 2001, I kept my doubts to myself. I wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what was happening before I said anything. I believe that on September 4, 2001, I received my answer. I had been petitioning God day and night, asking Him what was going on, why the fibromyalgia seemed to be returning, and what I needed to see in the situation in order to get past it. I thought that perhaps this was to be my "thorn in the flesh," but I wasn't ready to accept that. I didn't want our son to have a mom that wasn't there for him 100%, in every way imaginable. Something more had to be going on than what I was seeing on the surface. Then an Internet friend shared some startling information with me. I visited the web site she recommended (dorway.com) and in an instant I knew that I was staring at the answer to my prayers. The reality of what I read shocked and enraged me, but I knew deep in my heart that I was looking at the truth. The symptoms I had been experiencing were in all likelihood being caused not by what doctors call fibromyalgia but by aspartame toxicity. I was being poisoned by NutraSweet! As I read the list of known symptoms caused by aspartame my jaw dropped. Of the ninety-two symptoms admitted by the FDA, I had been experiencing over thirty of them. There was only one thing left for me to do - stop ingesting anything that contained any form of aspartame. This was easier said than done. First I scoured my kitchen and threw away all my "diet" products. That was the easy part. Making it through the next few days wasn't. Apparently aspartame is highly addictive and when I stopped drinking my Diet Cokes my body didn't like it. Thankfully, after just a few days the withdrawal headache went away and I felt like a new woman. My thinking was clear for the first time in years. The depression and anxiety that had been my constant companions for over a decade were gone. My body wasn't wracked with pain. Could the key to my feeling better really be something so simple? I didn't know it, but I was about to find out. On September 7, 2001, my third day of aspartame abstinence, I unknowingly ingested a chemical that is a close cousin to aspartame - monosodium glutamate (MSG). About an hour after I had eaten lunch that day I realized that something was amiss. I began having intense cravings for carbohydrates. My mind seemed to be fogging over and I was having trouble thinking clearly, much like after taking some types of cold or flu medications. The depression and anxiety were next. It was around this time that I knew I must have eaten something with either aspartame or MSG for lunch. When I checked the label of the chips we had eaten I saw it - monosodium glutamate. I could hardly believe my eyes and upbraided myself for not checking the label before we ate. My body began to ache with a vengeance and I knew I was in for a trying afternoon, to say the least. On the one hand it was very interesting to watch the progression of symptoms that the chemical triggered, but I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the experience one little bit. For the next nine hours I lay on the couch, in pain from head to toe, in a mental fog, battling depression, anxiety and panic. When it was all over I had a new rule - if a packaged food contains ingredients that I can't pronounce, I'm not eating it. Nothing on the face of the earth is worth eating if it's going to cause that much pain. Once the source of my illnesses had been identified I found myself in a precarious position. I was very thankful that God had revealed these truths to me and had graciously placed me on a path that would lead to continued freedom from symptoms. But part of me was also wanting to understand how God could have let me suffer for so long without intervening. I knew that He had known from the beginning what the root cause of my suffering was. How could He let my pain continue? When aspartame first came on the market about fifteen years ago I thought it was the answer to many of my problems. I had struggled with my weight for my entire life. I had been brainwashed to believe that sugar was the enemy. Now there was finally a product that tasted just as sweet, if not sweeter, than sugar, had no calories, and according to the manufacturer was completely safe. I believed that I would finally be able to enjoy good tasting diet drinks and foods and begin to win the battle of the bulge. Years went by and it seemed my weight only increased. I was constantly at odds with myself. Then I started having symptoms that were later labeled as fibromyalgia. (Many people are now coming to the conclusion that the diagnosis of fibromyalgia is being used as a catchall diagnosis for symptoms of aspartame poisoning.) I can see now that these were the beginnings of aspartame toxicity. What should have been the best, most productive years of my life were spent in nearly constant physical and emotional pain. The losses my husband and I suffered due to the debilitating effects I was experiencing were staggering, both financially and personally. So, there I was, staring truth in the face, knowing that almost fifteen years of my life had been "wasted." I also knew that I had a choice to make. I could either take offense and let myself become bitter over the situation and allow that bitterness to ruin the rest of my life, or I could accept that what was done was done, be thankful for God's revelation, and move forward. Surprisingly enough, because of the trials I had been through due to my symptoms and the work that God had done in me because of them, I was able to let go of the anger and resentment that so desperately wanted to take center stage. No, I'm not overjoyed that these things happened to me, but at the same time I'm so very thankful for my deepened relationship with God because of them that I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing even if I could. I believe that in every choice that is laid before us we have the opportunity to choose God's way or our way. We can either take offense and open the door to the devil or we can forgive and allow God to reign in our hearts. Daily I find myself having to choose forgiveness for those who knowingly unleashed this harmful chemical into our food supply. I have lost too many years to them already. I refuse to relinquish the time I have left on this earth to hatred and self-pity. I continue to ask God's protection and mercy, that I might not suffer any long-term ill affects from my exposure. I also continue to seek after God to know why things worked out the way they have, and I know that if I need to know He'll tell me. One thing that I've come to realize is that God's ways truly are not our ways. I used to be of the mind that when God chose to heal someone it was a miraculous, supernatural event. I now see that once again I was wrong. God created us - body, soul and spirit - and because we live in this physical world we are affected by physical things. When I first sought God for healing I wanted nothing more than His sovereign touch and an instantaneous healing. God could have done that, but I would not have been aware that I was ingesting something that was damaging my body. I would have been healed only to continue to poison myself and put myself right back in the situation I was healed of. But more importantly, my character would have suffered. I would have never known the depths to which God can reach in order to comfort. I wouldn't have been broken and forced to take a hard look at who I really was and who God created me to be. If God had given me what I wanted, I would have received the gift but never have come to know the Giver as intimately as I do today. I'm not out of the woods yet. There are still days when I feel less than wonderful - days when my body is working to get rid of the toxins that have built up in my tissues. But I have finally come to a place where my physical comfort is not my main focus. Each day I look forward to spending time with the One who loves me so much that He gave His life for me. Each day I wait with expectancy, wondering what jewels He will share with me that day. And I delight in the knowledge that nothing on earth or in heaven can separate me from the great love my Messiah has for me. When we look to God for healing, I think it is important that we examine every part of our lives. We must search our hearts to make sure that all is right with God. We must examine how we are conducting our lives to make sure we are not entertaining things that we should not. And we must examine what we are exposing our bodies to in order to rule out environmental factors that might be causing our physical or emotional problems. In my case, I was seeking God for healing from physical pain and ailments as well as from depression and emotional turmoil, never realizing that there was a common source for both problems. Do I still believe that God can work miraculously? I certainly do! In fact, I believe that any time truth is revealed to us we have had a supernatural encounter with God, for it is only through revelation from God that we can come to know truth. There might not be trumpets blaring or a choir of angels accompanying the revelation, but it's a miracle nonetheless! Continue to seek after the One who holds you in His right hand. Look for God in every circumstance, and you will find Him. Contact Us