Our Miracle Working God
God certainly does work in mysterious ways. I for one usually have no clue as to how He will resolve a particular situation -- especially one that involves me! Take my fibromyalgia for instance. When I was diagnosed with the disease the first thing my husband and I did was pray that God would heal me. I shut my eyes tight, sure that I would feel God's power surge through me to eradicate this otherwise incurable illness. I was wrong. But I did have an undeniable knowing deep within me that God would indeed heal me. It just wasn't going to happen right then.
That was in June of 1996. My doctor put me on a medication to help with the chronic pain. A few months later she put me on a second medication to help with the muscle spasms that were becoming more frequent. My life was turned upside-down. I struggled to continue working a 40 hour week, but found myself so fatigued by the end of the day that I was nodding off during the 45 minute drive home. I was in so much pain that I began missing work on a regular basis. I knew I had a decision to make -- one that neither I nor my husband wanted to make. And in the pit of my stomach I knew what the outcome of the decision would be.
It was a Monday morning. I called in sick, my body feeling as though it had been run over by a truck. Tears streamed down my face as I pleaded with God to make the decision for me, knowing full well He wouldn't. In that instant I experienced a clarity of mind that I don't know I'd ever experienced before or since. The choice was crystal clear -- God or the world. In the next instant a battle raged within me. How could I turn my back on the One who loved me, died for me, saved me from eternal separation from God? But how could I give up everything that I had worked so hard for and possibly risk my marriage? Then a peace flooded my soul and I knew what I had to do. The hard part would be telling my husband.
I phoned his office and unfortunately he answered. Agonized, I told him that I knew what God wanted of me. I had to quit my job. I had to concentrate on getting well. Calmly, my husband said that if that's what I had to do then that's what I would do.
The months that followed were very trying. Our income was cut in half. Our expenses weren't. The lifestyle to which we had become accustomed was no longer possible. Some major changes were inevitable, but with the support of our friends I believed we could make it through. Then our friends disappeared. We were alone, about to lose everything -- except God.
The Lord used those difficult times to wash away layers of spiritual filth that had built up on our souls. He moved us into a home half the size of our old house. We had to go through everything we owned, deciding what was necessary and what wasn't -- what could be kept and what had to go. We then entered a time of intense learning. The Lord graciously allowed us to understand that it's not things that are important in this life, but your relationship with Him. And that if your relationship with God is healthy, there's nothing that He won't do for you.
During this time I became very close to the Lord, depending on Him for strength daily -- sometimes hourly. I began to learn how to submit my wants and desires to Him and ask for His will, not mine. But even in the midst of my laying down my will, there was one thing that I refused to let go of -- my desire to have a child.
My husband and I were married in 1984. We had tried having a baby since 1986, without success. On Mother's Day of 1998, while sitting in church amidst a sea of women and their families, I finally came to terms with the Lord. If it was His will that Dan and I not have children, so be it. God's reasoning would certainly be perfect. After church we came home and I cried while Dan held me. I told him that I was finally at peace with God about having a family.
The next week was a bit rocky. The previous February I had had a major flare up of my fibromyalgia. My whole body hurt. I was having to use a cane to walk. I had never been in so much pain. My doctor gave me a prescription for a 10 day supply of prednisone, a very powerful hormone. It worked wonders, and after the 10 day course I felt worlds better -- for about a month. After that I just didn't feel quite right. My stomach was upset, my cycle seemed to have been thrown for a loop and I felt lethargic, but I thought it was nothing more than delayed side-effects of the medication.
So, about a week after Mother's Day I called my doctor to tell her how I was feeling. She suggested I take a pregnancy test. I told the nurse that after 14 years of trying I seriously doubted that I was pregnant now, but to humor her (and prove her wrong) I took the test.
I waited the two minutes for the test to be complete. I looked at the test stick and time froze. Not only did the control line show up, but the line in the test window showed up too! The REAL line -- the one that shows up only if you're pregnant! I'm not sure how long I stood there staring at that line. Eventually my husband came in to see what was going on. I was actually speechless and could only point to the test on the counter. He looked at the stick, looked at me, then looked at the stick again. "You're going to the doctor for a blood test tomorrow," was all he said. After so many years of trying neither one of us wanted to get too excited until we had concrete evidence.
I called my doctor back and humbly admitted that the test was positive. She told me to immediately stop my medications and referred me to an OB/GYN. I hung up the phone and was petrified. How could I stop taking my medications? I didn't want my symptoms to come back again. Yet I couldn't do anything that would harm my baby. So with much trepidation I flushed my pills down the toilet and put my life in God's hands.
The next few weeks were filled with surprise and wonder. The blood test came back positive -- we were indeed going to have a baby! And a few days later I realized that I felt normal -- no pain, no fatigue (aside from the normal amount a pregnant woman experiences). Then we had our first ultrasound to try and pinpoint the due date. I wasn't just pregnant -- I was 15 weeks pregnant. And the baby was a boy.
The Lord kept my husband, myself and the baby in His hands. Every test that I took was normal and I felt better than I had in years. We let the Lord lead us in our preparations for the baby's arrival. Then the day we had been waiting for for so very long finally came. It was off to the hospital for the adventure of a lifetime!
After 15 hours of labor and one last push, Matthew Evan was born -- a healthy 8 pounds, 3 ounces. After we came home from the hospital and we all got adjusted to the new routine I found that I was becoming anxious. I found a few minutes one day to get quiet and ask the Lord what was going on. I realized that I was waiting for my fibromyalgia to come back. But the Lord reassured me that it was gone!
With one miraculous touch the Lord healed my body, and gave me the desire of my heart! He took away the pain that had plagued me for so many years and gave me joy unspeakable! And through all of this I've learned another lesson -- there's absolutely nothing that I can do to make myself worthy of God's love. It is only through His grace and loving kindness that He showers us with His riches.
If God had healed me when I wanted Him to back in 1996, would I have been able to appreciate it? Probably not in the same way I do today. Would we have had our son? I don't know. But now that I'm on the other side of these questions I know one thing for sure. God's way is the most excellent way, and if we can continually lay our wills before Him we can have His excellence in our lives every day.
